


Smoochmaster

by kankrisredsweater



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Kissing, Multi, just.... lots of kissing, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:12:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7497120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kankrisredsweater/pseuds/kankrisredsweater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A friendly debate between Keith and Lance turns into a full-blown competition.</p><p>The task? Kiss everyone on board the ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoochmaster

It starts off as an innocent enough debate.

“Nonsense. Everyone wants to kiss me,” Lance says matter-of-factly. “I’m irresistible.”

“I can think of so many people that I’d rather kiss,” Keith counters. “And I’m willing to bet that all of them would rather kiss me than you.”

“That sounds fake,” Lance argues.

“Fine. Let’s get some science behind it,” Keith decides. “Hunk!”

Hunk looks over at the two of them, bemused. Lance isn’t sure how much of it he’s heard, but he traipses, plate in hand, over to where the two of them are sitting at the long kitchen table, their respective breakfasts uneaten in front of them.

“What’s up?” Hunk asks, sitting across from the two of them.

“Keith thinks that people would rather kiss him than me,” Lance challenges.

“He’s probably right,” Hunk shrugs. Lance frowns and launches a spoonful of space goo at him. Hunk swipes the runaway food up with his finger.

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Lance harrumphs. Keith lets out a triumphant _ha!_

“I mean, if you wanted to prove anything, you should just have a competition,” Hunk suggests nonchalantly. “First person to kiss everyone on the ship wins. Has to be a mouth kiss, tongue optional. No cheating. I can get Pidge to hack into the castle’s surveillance.”

“Oh, it’s on,” Lance grins. Keith sighs laboriously. “Okay, I guess I’m in. Hunk? Pucker up.”

“Wait, no, seriously, guys? I haven’t even finished eating,” Hunk whines. “Come back to me later.”

Lance and Keith give each other one long, hard look, and dash out of the room.

 

\--

 

Lance makes a beeline for Pidge’s room. Pidge loves him! They’re his buddy! He’s sure that he can just explain the situation to them and they’ll give him a quick smooch and he’ll be one kiss up on Keith.

He’s completely not expecting Pidge to burst out laughing when he explains the competition.

“That’s honestly one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen you two fight about,” Pidge cackles, wiping tears from their eyes. “This is probably the least objective science I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen some pretty shoddy work.”

“Aw, come on, Pidge,” Lance pouts. “Please? For me? Your favorite dashing fighter pilot?”

“Technically we’re all fighter pilots now,” Pidge laughs. “But I guess so. And I guess this means I can expect Keith at some point?”

“Maybe he’ll chicken out,” smirks Lance.

“Unlikely,” Pidge says decidedly. “Now come here and claim your smooch and get going. I’m still working out some of Rover’s technology and I’m _super_ close to a breakthrough.”

“You’re the best,” Lance beams. He waltzes over, pecks Pidge lightly on the mouth, and zooms out of their room faster than they can say _quiznak_.

 

\--

 

Keith, for his part, hurtles straight to the training deck where he knows Shiro will be trying to get the hang of his Galra arm. Sometimes the two of them spar at around this time. Keith knows he can’t let Lance win this one. Even though the competition itself is fairly asinine, in his opinion, Lance will certainly lord it over him for the entirety of the foreseeable future, and that will be nigh unbearable.

“Shiro!” He calls, giving their de facto leader enough time to shut down the training module. He’s wiping sweat off his forehead when Keith arrives in front of him, panting.

“You have to kiss me.”

“I beg your pardon?” Shiro asks, brow furrowing.

“Lance challenged me to some stupid competition and now we’re each trying to see who can kiss everyone on the ship first,” Keith explains.

“It’s good to see you’re being productive with your time,” Shiro laughs. “But sure.”

Smiling, Keith stands on his tiptoes and capture’s Shiro’s lips in a brief, sweet kiss.

“Thanks!” he calls over his shoulder as he hightails it out of the training deck.

“Good luck!” Shiro calls back, grinning to himself as he powers up another training module.

 

\--

 

Lance isn’t ever completely sure where Coran is, so it’s almost pure luck that he happens to glimpse the tufts of bright orange hair sticking out from behind a healing pod through the doors into the medical bay. He skids to a halt and backtracks, sticking his head in.

“Hey, Coran!”

Coran looks up and his face breaks into a huge mustached smile. “Lance! Good to see you, my boy. What can I help you with?”

“Coran, how familiar are you with Earthling customs?” Lance asks. It occurs to him that Coran might not actually be aware of the concept of a kiss – or worse, what if it's an insult in Altean culture?

“I admit, it’s fuzzy,” Coran says, his smile melting. “Though I have done my best to research it since your arrival. Why do you ask?”

“Well, long story short, Keith and I are trying to see who can get everyone in the castle to kiss us first. Sort of a competition,” Lance explains quickly.

To his surprise, Coran blushes furiously. “But isn’t the purpose of a kiss to initiate or continue a courtship? I was under the impression that many Earthlings were monogamous.”

“Well, I mean, not all of them are monogamous, and besides, it’s just a kiss, they’re not always romantic. Sometimes they’re just between friends, like a sign of affection. It can be hard to tell, sometimes, but I promise you this one isn’t romantic,” Lance babbles. He's beginning to regret bringing this up. Coran is enthusiastic to a fault when it comes to learning the nuances of different culture; he supposes that this is one of the things that used to make Alteans natural diplomats. But Lance doesn't really want to get roped into a three-hour conversation about the weirdness of human courtship when Keith could be out there kissing up a storm.

“Well, I can’t pretend I understand completely, but I will certainly accept your gesture of affection,” Coran says.

“Great, thanks,” Lance grins. To his surprise, Coran’s kiss is very gentle, and the mustache feels sort of nice, although it becomes immediately obvious that he has no idea how long a kiss is supposed to last. Lance does him the favor of breaking the kiss.

“Did I do it right?” Coran implores, seeking for some kind of validation.

“You did great,” Lance laughs.

“Splendid. Oh, Lance, while you’re here, can I get your help with this healing pod?” Coran asks, obviously very pleased with himself.

“Well, uh, you see, the thing about that is…” Lance struggles. He _knew_ this would happen. “I’ve got some more kisses to dole out, but I’ll come back once I’m done?” He crosses his fingers behind his back.

“Yes, I figured you might say that. Ah well, it was worth a try. Run along, now,” Coran waves him off. Lance silently blesses Coran as he speeds out the door.

 

\--

 

Keith collects himself for a few moments in front of Pidge’s door. He figures that they might be fairly acquiescent to this whole debacle, and besides, he suspects that Lance might have thought the exact same thing, and might have already paid them a visit.

He knocks quietly at Pidge’s doorframe, resisting the urge burst in. The last time he’d done that, he’d found himself of the receiving end of a tumult of nerd rage related to the interruption of this-or-that coding breakthrough.

Pidge is much sweeter this time as they greet him at the door, their little brunette head poking out to look up at him.

“I suppose you’re here for your kiss?” They ask, and Keith laughs to himself. He had been right.

“Darn right I am,” he says.

“Lucky for you, I’ve hit a wall and need a distraction,” they sigh heavily.

“Wanna talk it through?” Keith asks instinctively. He doesn’t really have time for this... but Pidge looks so dejected.

“Nah,” they say. “You’ve got your other smooches to collect. And I’m sure I’ll think of something soon.”

“I’ll ask Hunk to bring you lunch,” Keith decides. “So you don’t have to go all the way to the kitchen and back.”

“That’s… really sweet, thanks,” Pidge says, looking up at him with a smile that reaches their eyes. The smile is infectious, and Keith can feel his own grin as he leans down and kisses Pidge lightly.

“Good luck on your project!” he says honestly before running off to go find Hunk.

 

\--

 

Lance runs into Hunk on his way back to the kitchen for a snack. Hunk’s washing dishes, which strikes Lance as surprisingly touching. He always sort of assumed that the castle itself took care of all of the menial labor tasks.

“Whatcha doin’, buddy?” he asks.

“I figure we take a lot of stuff the castle does for granted, so I like to help it out a little,” Hunk shrugs.

“That’s so considerate,” Lance marvels, not an ounce of sarcasm in his voice for once. It’s times like this that he remembers why he likes hanging out with Hunk so much, and why he was so glad to be Hunk’s roommate at the Garrison. The guy is just _nice_.

“You’re getting all touchy-feely at me today,” Hunk grins. “You’re not trying to get me to kiss you, are ya?”

“Depends, are you still off limits?” Lance smirks. “I just happened to pop in here for a quick nosh, that’s all.”

“A noble and worthy pastime,” Hunk laughs.

“But while I’m here…” Lance lays on the goofy seductive eyebrow waggle.

“Y’know, maybe I’ll kiss Keith first,” Hunk says thoughtfully. “Just for making that weird expression at me.”

“You wouldn’t _dare_ ,” Lance says in mock horror.

“You’re right, I probably wouldn’t,” Hunk shrugs. “Well, are you gonna do it or what?”

“Pucker up, big guy,” Lance says. He has to stand on his toes to reach Hunk’s face, and he kisses him short and square on the lips.

“Dude, that was like, the lamest kiss ever,” Hunk says, sounding almost hurt. “Where’s the _feeling_? The _pizzazz_? Isn’t my foot supposed to pop or something?”

“I mean, did you _want_ me to slip you the tongue? Because I’m sure that can be arranged,” Lance grins.

“If you wanted, but _man_ , that was like kissing a statue,” Hunk laughs.

“Fine, then, I’ll just have to make it up to you,” Lance huffs, not truly offended, bringing his face up to Hunk’s again. He takes Hunk’s cheeks in his hands and softly presses his lips against his, letting his eyes flutter closed. Hunk breathes slowly through his nose, kissing back gently, sliding his arm around Lance’s waist.

“Uh, not to interrupt the moment, or anything, but can I ask Hunk something?” comes a third voice from the doorway. Keith is there, eyebrow arched, arms crossed.

“Yeah, what is it?” Hunk asks casually, still not letting go of Lance, who turns around and shoots Keith his smarmiest grin.

“When I went to go kiss Pidge, they seemed sort of frustrated with their coding. Would you mind bringing them lunch?” Keith asks.

“Yeah, no problem,” Hunk says. He turns back to Lance. “Guess I’d better let you go, buddy. Nice kissin’ ya.”

“You too,” Lance says warmly. As he passes Keith, he smirks again. “How many are you at?”

“Two. Shiro and Pidge,” Keith huffs.

“Three. Pidge, Coran, and now Hunk,” Lance laughs. “I’m winning!!” And before Keith can respond, he darts away.

“We’ll see about that!” Keith yells after him. He sighs and turns back to Hunk, who is watching fondly.

“Well, how about it, then?” Keith asks.

“Is that any way to woo a gentleman?” Hunk grins.

“I guess you’re right,” Keith says. “Hunk, would you do me the honor of bestowing me a kiss?”

“Now that’s more like it,” Hunk says approvingly. He bends his head down and lets Keith come up to meet him. When given permission, Hunk notices that Keith is an immediately fiery kisser, and he doesn’t mention the soft moan that escapes Keith’s lips when Hunk tugs gently at the back of his hair. They break apart, and Keith looks a little flushed.

“That was… enthusiastic,” Keith says.

“Sorry,” Hunk shrugs. “I just like kissing.”

“Nah, don’t be sorry. Definitely the best kiss I’ve had today. Or in a while.”

“Well, thank you,” Hunk says, looking flattered. “There, now you’re tied. Now go get ‘em, tiger!”

“See you later,” Keith says, waving goodbye, ignoring his still-tingling lips.

 

\--

 

Lance makes his way straight to the training deck. Keith had already kissed Shiro, and he doesn’t want to give Shiro any reason to favor Keith over him. Not that Shiro generally showed any kind of partiality, but Shiro had sort of been Lance’s hero at the Garrison. He would never admit to anyone how much he looked to Shiro for approval.

He saunters into the training room just as Shiro is taking out three separate training robots with an impressive swipe of his Galra arm. Lance stands and appreciates Shiro’s form as he completes his training sequence.

“Shiro,” he calls, as the training slows to a break.

“Lance,” Shiro calls back. “Give me a second, okay?”

“You got it,” Lance affirms loudly. His stomach twists into sudden knots. What if Shiro thought he was a bad kisser? What if Lance made it weird?

 _Shut up, it’s just a little fun competition, Shiro already knows about it, you’re gonna be fine_ , Lance tells himself firmly. In the time that he’s spent spacing out, Shiro has started approaching him, drinking one of the space Capri Suns that always seem to be in abundance on the training deck.

“Sorry about that,” Shiro says amicably. “Didn’t want them to start attacking you or anything.”

“I coulda handled it,” Lance grins, defaulting immediately to cockiness. That, at least, is easy for him to do without thinking.

“Keith sort of explained your competition,” Shiro tells him, leaning up against the wall. “Well, and by that I mean he barged in and shouted at me to kiss him.”

“No finesse whatsoever,” Lance jokes, absent of malice, and Shiro chuckles too.

“Though explain to me something. Why are you having this competition?” Shiro asks.

Lance opens his mouth to answer, but his brain comes up empty. “Seemed like a good idea when we started,” Lance confesses. “It’s still fun, though.”

“I just wanted to make sure that there aren’t going to be any hard feelings at the end of it, or that no one feels forced into kissing anyone they don’t want to,” Shiro says. “We’re a family, and that means we need to respect one another’s boundaries.”

Lance hasn’t considered that. “Well, I’ve been asking everyone before I kiss them, or at least explaining what I was doing,” he tells Shiro. “I’m sure Keith is too.”

“Well, I’m glad about that much,” Shiro says, looking relieved. “Just be smart, okay? I trust both of you on this. I’ve just been thinking about it since Keith left this morning.”

“I’ll be smart,” Lance promises. The look of approval on Shiro’s face makes Lance feel strangely proud of himself.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you from your training,” Lance says after a brief pause. “Shiro, will you please kiss me?”

“Of course I will,” Shiro laughs. He bends down and kisses Lance gently for a few moments. It feels, to Lance, surprisingly like a blessing.

“Now go have fun, and good luck,” Shiro says.

“Thanks!” Lance calls behind him as he skips off.

 

\--

 

Keith approaches the holodeck tentatively. He doesn’t really want to interrupt Coran and Allura in the middle of what seems to be a very serious discussion regarding the castle’s defenses, all for the sake of some silly kissing competition.

“I’ve been looking for the source of the weakness for a while,” he hears Coran say. “I think that it’s somewhere near the thrusters, but I haven’t been able to pinpoint it exactly.”

“I’ll ask some of the mice to assist you, then,” comes Allura’s voice. “They ought to know where it is.”

Keith is debating whether or not it’s a good idea to step in when he hears rapid footsteps coming down the long hallway. Lance is hurtling at breakneck speed toward the holodeck, egged on by the fact that he can see Keith waiting outside the door.

“Someone’s coming,” Keith hears Allura say, and inwardly curses himself for not interrupting early.

Lance nearly slams into him as Keith steps out from where he’s been loitering outside the door, in an attempt to slow him down.

“They’re talking about important stuff, idiot,” Keith hisses at Lance, grabbing him by the shoulders. “We shouldn’t interrupt them.”

“We won’t take that long,” Lance retorts, but he’s cut short by a cough. Allura is standing in the doorway, looking sternly down her nose at the two of them.

“Keith, Lance. What do you need?” she asks, sounding somewhat terse.

“We were just…” Keith trails off, unable to come up with a good excuse, while Lance stammers guiltily beside him.

“Oh, of course, the kissing competition!” Coran says, sounding thrilled. “Allura, I was just telling you about this earlier. They’re professing their affection to everyone in the castle!”

Keith shoots a quirked eyebrow in Lance’s direction. He shrugs, pulling a look of forced innocence.

Allura’s face relaxes.

“Well, then, of course I will participate! I am very fond of all of you,” she says reassuringly. Keith makes eye contact with her first, and silently takes a step towards her.

Keith places his hands on her waists and cautiously leans forward to kiss her. She’s _royalty_ , and he’s not sure whether he should be bowing or thanking her or if there was any protocol. Though, since Coran must have had to explain it to her, there was no precedent for kissing in Altean culture. He figured he would just mimic. Their kiss is brief, but not unpleasant. He smiles shyly at Allura, who returns it with a wide beam.

“Now, it’s my turn, is it not?” Coran asks. Keith guesses that he’s ever so pleased to be learning more about, and getting to participate in, Earthling culture. Keith approaches him, arms wide, and almost laughs when Coran responds to his kiss with gusto.

“How did I do?” Coran asks excitedly.

“It was great,” Keith grins. Coran looks like he could _sing_ , he’s so delighted.

Meanwhile, Lance waits in front of Allura, uncharacteristically shy. For all of the times that he’s exaggeratedly propositioned her for a date – because she is _very_ beautiful – Lance has never _really_ considered the possibility of actually getting to kiss her, even in the most platonic of situations.

“Don’t be so bashful, Lance,” Allura says warmly, sensing his hesitation.

Lance looks her in the face and takes a deep breath.

“Princess Allura, may I kiss you?” he asks, his hands shaking slightly.

“Of course you may,” she says sweetly, and Lance feels his head spinning as he leans forward and kisses her softly and a little breathily. It’s a moment longer than he had been anticipating, but when he pulls back, she giggles.

“It’s such a strange sensation,” Allura marvels. “But not an unpleasant one.”

“Well, you’re welcome to more Earthling affection whenever you want it,” Lance grins. He can’t help himself. Keith steps on his foot, and Lance yelps.

“Well, don’t let us keep you,” Keith says, excusing the both of them and tugging on Lance’s sleeve to follow him out of the holodeck.

 

\--

 

Hunk sighs to himself. The bantering voices get louder as he approaches the dining area. Lance and Keith are at it again.

“… kissed her before you kissed Coran, so _technically_ I won,” Lance says loudly.

“You did not!” Keith returns indignantly. “I had _definitely_ finished kissing Coran before you finished kissing Allura. I watched her giggle at you!”

“I still think that because I technically started kissing Allura before you started kissing Coran, then I won,” Lance says decidedly.

“Unbelievable,” Keith scoffs.

“Technically, you’re both wrong,” Hunk interrupts, not looking at either of them and grinning to himself. Both Lance and Keith look over at him. Hunk smiles back at them innocently.

“Well… have you kissed each other?” Hunk asks. Both of their faces pale. “Because you’re both technically people on this ship.”

The two of them stare slackjawed at Hunk for a few seconds.

“I guess—” Keith starts.

“Only if you want to,” Lance cuts him off. “You don’t have to.”

“We might as well make it even,” Keith says. “It’ll officially make this a tie.”

“Yeah, but then we won’t get to fight over arbitrary stuff,” Lance says.

“True,” Keith agrees.

They both laugh awkwardly for a few seconds before falling into a slightly uncomfortable silence.

“Just kiss already,” Hunk sighs.

Keith turns to Lance a shrugs.

“Keith, do you want to kiss me?” Lance smirks, waggling his eyebrows.

“Not if you’re doing that weird thing with your face,” Keith says with mock disgust.

“Fine, fine, have it your way,” Lance laughs. “But some people say it enhances the experience.”

“No one says that,” Keith protests.

“Sure they do.”

“Just kiss me.”

Keith notices that they’re about the same height as Lance steps towards him and bridges the distance between their faces. Their noses brush briefly against one another’s before, simultaneously, they lean in. Keith has to admit that Lance is actually not that bad of a kisser, and privately Lance is agreeing, although each of them knows that they’ll _never_ admit it.

“Awww,” Hunk says happily. “There, now you both win, and you can stop arguing about it.”

As Lance and Keith pull apart, each grinning and looking somewhat embarrassed, they each realize independently that it feels good when even the silliest of conflicts resolves itself in such a clean-cut and positive way.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally so self-indulgent and i'm so sorry i wrote this in like an hour and it's completely unedited so oops lmao
> 
> i have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/vicecaptainsuga) and a [tumblr](https://tinylinguist.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to yell about voltron with me
> 
> also [shelby](http://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolateandnerves/) and i have decided that this fic exists in the same universe as [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7459413) one does so if you wanna go read about hunk being snuggly then please follow that link  
> 


End file.
